What My Grandmother Taught Me About Creating a Life I Love

I used to be scared of my grandmother. When I was little, I thought she was mean, and I was frightened of her. I had an ideal of being a good granddaughter, so I would call her on the phone every couple of months and ask how she was doing, and she would say, "How would you know? You never call." Through the lens of "she's mean," "you never call" sounded like more of the same. I thought she IS mean.

One day, I realized that "she is mean" is just one possible lens I could use to view my grandmother. It occurred to me that the issue might be the lens itself, not the person I am viewing through that lens.

Here's what I did to change my perspective:

💥 I separated reality from the lens: The reality was that my grandma said, "You never call me." My lens had the color of her being mean and scary.

💥 I got clear on what I was committed to: I was committed to creating a loving relationship with my grandmother.

💥 I took some time to create a few possible alternate lenses:

Door #1: Everything my grandmother says means she loves me.

Door #2: My grandmother has had a tough life.

Door #3: My grandmother is very direct.

Here's what happened next: I put on my new "created" lens and I called my grandmother. I said, "How are you?" and as she did in the past, she said, "How would you know? You never call me?" Here's the magic part: through the lens of "my grandmother loves me," "you never call me" sounded VERY different. I then said, "You are right, I haven't called you in a while. How are you?" Suddenly, everything from the past disappeared, and she said, "I'm fine. How are you?" Abracadabra, a new relationship was born.

💥I then scheduled time in my calendar every week to call my grandmother, and we spoke every week, sometimes 3-5 times a week. When she passed away 15 years later, she was my best friend.

When I did these four things:

💥 Separated reality from the lens

💥 Got clear on what I was committed to

💥 Created a few possible alternate lenses

💥 Scheduled time in my calendar to take actions to fulfill what I was creating

I was able to let go of my default lens for my grandma and create a delicious, loving relationship with her.
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These four things can be applied to any area of your life. My grandmother went from scary to precious in one conversation. It was pure magic.
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​I recently did an interview with Mary Ann Faremouth on CAREER CAN DO about How To Thrive In Any Circumstance. If you wanna THRIVE vs SURVIVE, take a listen. (Perhaps while you are on the treadmill today.)

Here is some of what we discussed:
In this episode of Career Can Do, guest Josselyne Herman-Saccio explores what it takes to empower dreams and defeat obstacles. Josselyne is a master coach and highly experienced course leader who has dedicated her career to empowering individuals to realize and pursue their dreams. Over the course of her career, she has worked with more than 200,000 people, helping them to create opportunities, overcome obstacles, and strive for success in both personal and professional contexts. Josselyne joins Mary Ann Faremouth to share her transformative approach to achieving personal and professional success. She stresses the importance of self-awareness, particularly about recognizing and challenging limiting beliefs, and maintaining a clear understanding of personal passion and purpose.

Burnout and work-life balance are pressing issues in today’s work environment. With the rise of digital communication tools like Zoom, employees can connect from across the globe, but this also brings new challenges. To effectively manage your life and responsibilities, Josselyne advocates using a calendar as a powerful organizing tool. By recording every task and commitment, you can create tangible context for your actions, helping to distinguish between imposed or "default" dreams and your own created dreams.

Josselyne introduces the concept of being “unmessablewith,” which she describes as a state of being that allows you to create in any circumstance without being hindered. This powerful mindset is an antidote to the effects of limiting beliefs, notions of truth, and scarcity, which can interfere with your ability to achieve your dreams.
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She presents an alternative view of failure, encouraging individuals to perceive it not as an endpoint but as a part of the journey towards fulfillment and success. In Josselyne’s philosophy, failure is not something to be avoided or feared. Instead, it serves as a crucial learning opportunity, providing insights and lessons that can be invaluable for personal growth and progress. Recognizing that setbacks are a natural part of life's journey can empower you to navigate your path with resilience, tenacity, and focus on your ultimate goals.

Today, we want to delve into a thought-provoking topic: the concept of independence and whether it is truly a prize or can sometimes become a prison. While independence is often seen as an admirable trait, it's essential to explore the potential drawbacks and how seeking support and collaboration can help us navigate this delicate balance.

Independence has long been hailed as a prized quality. We celebrate those who can handle everything on their own, viewing their self-sufficiency as a mark of success. However, it's worth considering whether the pursuit of absolute independence can unintentionally restrict our growth and well-being, leading to isolation and self-imposed limitations.

In reality, there is a spectrum between independence as a prize and independence as a prison. Here are a few perspectives to help us navigate this complex concept:

1. The Dilemma of Self-Reliance: Striving for independence can be empowering, enabling us to take ownership of our lives and make decisions with confidence. However, when taken to extremes, the pressure to be self-reliant can lead to isolation, as we may fear vulnerability or view asking for help as a sign of weakness. This self-imposed isolation can become a prison that limits our growth and hinders our ability to connect with others.
2. Balancing Autonomy and Interdependence: Rather than perceiving independence as an all-or-nothing concept, we can view it as a continuum. It's essential to find a healthy balance between autonomy and interdependence. Embracing support does not diminish our independence; rather, it enhances our ability to engage with the world, expand our perspectives, and seek collaboration when needed. Recognizing that it's okay to ask for support fosters personal growth and enriches our relationships.
3. The Power of Community: Independence should not be mistaken for solitude. True strength lies in building a community of individuals who inspire, support, and challenge us. By nurturing these connections, we create a network of trusted allies who can provide guidance, lend a helping hand, or simply be there to listen. In this community, we find the freedom to explore our independence while knowing that support is readily available when we need it.
4. Overcoming Limitations: Paradoxically, the path to personal growth often involves acknowledging our limitations. Recognizing when we require assistance allows us to overcome challenges more effectively, explore new opportunities, and achieve greater heights than we could on our own. By accepting support, we expand our possibilities and break free from the constraints that an isolated, independent mindset can impose.

By embracing the idea that interdependence is a source of strength, we can navigate the delicate balance between self-reliance and seeking support.

Wishing you an unmessablewith week of collaboration and partnership!
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Practice letting people support you and asking for support. You do not need to go it alone, people love to support others. Don't you?