It may sound strange to have a "relationship performance review", I mean that sounds like a work thing not a relationship thing.
Well, any area of your life that you want to be EXCELLENT, could be a great place to look at what is working, or what is missing that would elevate that area, so why not your relationship?
Below is a recent interview I did for ABC news on the subject. (just click on the photo of my husband Michael and I)

If you want to experiment with a relationship review here are the steps:

1. Schedule it in your and your partners calendar so it is not out of the blue. (I recommend weekly but you could do whatever works for you.)
2. Always start with what is working (i.e. It really worked when you kissed me goodbye yesterday, I request we make a promise to always kiss each other goodbye in the morning.)
3. Then go to what seems missing that if you added would make a difference in the quality of your relationship. (I don't think we are spending enough time alone together, I request we set up a date night every week so we are guaranteed alone time.)
4. The look at what didn't work (i.e. On Wednesday when we went to bed after an argument, that didn't really work, I am promising I won't do that again.)

You want to leave the review with promises and requests.
Every promise and request can create new practices in your relationship that elevate the quality of your relationship and impact the results you produce as well.

When I coach people, many times they want to create a new practice or a new behavior and the question is where do I start?
​I advise people to begin with promises, promises can be a very powerful tool to create a future that was not going to happen anyway.
​When you think about it, when you make a promise, it is almost as if you are casting out into the future a new reality, one that was not predictable.
​You do not need to promise to breathe or to wake up tomorrow, likely those things will predictably happen.
What we use promising for is creating the "unpredictable", something that was not going to happen anyway.
​So if you are committed to creating a new practice in your life, a new behavior, a new habit, whether it is around your finances, well being or your relationship, begin with creating a promise.

For instance, to create closeness in your relationship, promise to hug your partner 2x a day.
To create energy, promise to go for a walk 30 minutes a day, three times a week.
To create financial abundance or stability, promise to put 5% of your paycheck into a separate savings account.
Any promises you make. I advise putting them into your calendar so that you are not leaving it up to your memory to run the show. Memory is not a reliable resource for creating new realities and your calendar will be a place where you can track the % of times you kept your word regarding your promises, in reality.
Every time you keep a promise you are building muscle with your word and building a new "practice with your actions".​

If you notice you are not keeping your promises, take a note about what it was that "messed" with you in keeping that promise. What got in the way? What reason or justification did you use to explain not keeping your promise?
​This is a win win game, if you keep your word you build muscle and new practices, if you don't you bring to light what messes with you in life.
​So why not create a few promises that will enable you to create the life you want?
​​Let me know what you discover out of doing this.

I just got back from spending a week in my happy place, Paris France. The minute I get off the plane I start to breathe better and my sense of calm and at-home-ness shifts to a totally different level.
I began to inquire into a question. What is it about Paris that makes me so happy?
At first I couldn’t put my finger on it but then I stuck with the inquiry and came up with a few things.

1. I am in the space of being settled
2. I am present to appreciation
3. I have a sense of tranquility

Then I looked at when I am not here what is often present is rushing from thing to thing, getting stuff done mode and a low grade irritation from time to time.
OK well I am inviting you to look at what the qualities are in YOUR HAPPY PLACE and I am challenging all of us to BRING those qualities to your everyday life, no matter where you are geographically.
I am in the game with you, PROJECT HAPPY PLACE has commenced.

​It is so easy to get caught up in "going through life" and we miss some of the most precious moments right now.

​Today see if you can practice embodying "there's no place like home" and BE with people and life today vs getting through one thing and on to the next