Halloween is coming up, and while Halloween is a perfect time to wear a mask and pretend you are someone you are not, the rest of the year isn't.
If you ask yourself, in your heart of hearts, Are you your authentic self with everyone in life?, If you are telling the truth, your answer would likely be NO. If you answer yes I would suggest you look again. We all wear masks in certain areas of our lives.
As human beings we pretend to be OK when we are not, we pretend to know what we are doing at work when we are not necessarily confident about our choices, we say our relationship is great when we no longer have that spark we had long ago. (If these examples do not resonate with you I invite you to look at where you can find moments of being less than your authentic self, whether it's with your dry cleaner, the person who sells you coffee, your mother in law, your children or work mates etc....)
The point is.... pretending is fairly normal in our culture and to be your authentic self takes awareness and discipline.
Being authentic is one access to being unmessablewith.
Something you can do to exercise the authenticity muscle is to look at the areas of life you experience being limited or constrained and ask yourself "What am I pretending in this area? What am I not sharing with people? What have I never said for fear of being judged in this area? "
Simply bringing awareness to these areas can begin to open up a door to taking off the mask and accessing your authentic self.
I say play the authenticity game this Halloween week and see what you discover for yourself.
Today we'll talk about CREATING TEAM WITH YOUR FAMILY (same technique can be used with any group of people).
We all know the experience of the home-team scatter, where each member of the family goes in separate directions, passing each other on the way to something else. Yet, we long for a sense of teamwork and unity.
How can you create teamwork when it looks like a game of solitaire is in play? If everyone is out to fulfill on their own agendas, it’s unlikely that you can build a coalition in your family. So, how do you do it?
CREATE A NEW GAME! In order to create teamwork, you have to get in the same game.
Here are two, three-step teamwork plans, that you can put into action immediately. The first three-step plan:
And here’s the second three-step plan:
Ultimately, your kids do want to play with you and if you can create your household as a game worth playing, you will be able to create teamwork at the least likely moments!
The urban dictionary defines 'unmessable' as: The quality of being able to stand in the face of any circumstance and not be thrown off course.
Being "unmessable with": someone who can generate possibility with anyone at anytime under any circumstance.
"Unmessable with-ness": the quality of being unstoppable in the face of no agreement, able to turn lemons into lemonade.
Being UNMESSABLEWITH is not about having perfect circumstances but rather, who you are in the face of the real circumstances life throws at you.
Being able to create possibility and make a difference under any circumstance, with anyone at any time, and never lose who you are is what I call being UNMESSABLEWITH.
Wouldn't we all like to be UN-MESSABLEWWITH? Well, it is possible and accessible if you develop yourself to BE UNMESSABLEWITH. A simple initial access to the world of UNMESSABLEWITHNESS is to follow these simple steps.
- First, get clear about what you are committed to. What is it you 'stand for' in a particular situation? It might be compassion. It may be peace. It may be justice or equity. Or, it may be simply being loving. Whatever you 'stand for' is your access to UNMESSABLEWITHNESS.
- Second, make a list of things that you know would throw you off course. A powerful way to be unmessablewith is to identify that which predictably "messes" with you. It may be if/when someone disagrees with you or criticizes you. It may be if/when someone says no to you or makes fun of you. Whatever "messes" with you...get it on paper. Getting it on paper gives you the ability to not be blindsided by it if/when it happens.
- When faced with a situation that throws you...notice you have been thrown and immediately ask yourself, what do I stand for? Reconnecting with what you 'stand for' enables you to bounce back in the face of those buttons that may have been pushed.
- Then ask yourself, What actions would fulfill what I 'stand for' right now? And take them or schedule them in your calendar immediately.
I consider myself someone who practices being UNMESSABLEWITH regularly, but recently I got ’thrown’ in a business dealing. A client of mine wanted to break her contract, and I didn't see it coming. I was blindsided. For a day I was upset, stressed and lost sleep because I took it personally and went through a mental picture of "how much I had done for her", "how could she?", etc. I noticed I was being 'messable-with' and asked myself, "What do I stand for regarding this relationship and my contracts?"
The answer was simple, integrity, accountability and honor.
In a moment all the stress I had been experiencing disappeared and my actions became natural and obvious, being guided by what I stood for. (i.e. replying to her emailing promptly, drafting a termination agreement and continuing to honor my obligations all the while).
In an instant I was UNMESSABLEWITH again and my dealings with her have been a demonstration of integrity, accountability and honor.
So remember ask yourself:
1. What do I stand for?
2. What is messing with me right now?
3. What do I stand for? (your stand is the most powerful entry point to being unmessablewith)
4. What actions can I take that would fulfill what I stand for? (Take them or schedule them NOW)
Your stand is your access to the world of being UNMESSABLEWITH, right now, and right now, and right now.
Courage isn't the absence of fear but rather having fear and taking action anyway. Mostly people wait for their fear to disappear before hey take risks...good luck with that one...what people fail to realize is that if you don't have fear, courage isn't needed.
Only when you have fear;...
to ask for a raise..
to tell someone you love them
to start a new business etc...
does courage become a useful tool.
A friend of mine once said it “it only takes three seconds of courage to alter your life forever”, I have taken that to heart and started seeking out areas where I'm afraid to take action. I decided that anyplace I am afraid, that is the future beckoning m, calling me forward. Obviously I'm not talking about stepping into moving traffic, where fear is appropriate and useful, but rather situations like calling someone about a business dealing or making a request for someone to be involved in a project or to join my board or directors...fear in those situations feels the same as the traffic fear even though that makes no sense logically given my survival is not really threatened.
Recently I was afraid to go to the doctor and get a test done. My fear was based on thinking they would find something wrong and then I would have to take actions to deal with it. I avoided the doctor for months. Finally I listened to my own advice and said “it takes three seconds of courage” and I took the three seconds to make the appointment, once it was made I knew I would go. I had the test and all was well but the point is the fear stopping me took more of my energy and aliveness that the reality of doing the test.
I am inviting you to play the COURAGE GAME with me, here is how you play: Everyday, muster up three seconds of courage to take a risk you would not normally take in an area that is important to you, see what happens, share what happens with others...you will be developing your muscle if unmessablewithness every time courage wins over fear. Fear isn't going anywhere, but you can triumph over fear and be UnMessableWith in the face of anything life throws at you.