Happy Valentine's Day !

For some people this is a day of celebration, of love, of chocolate, of flowers.
For others it is one of the most annoying days of the year.

Whichever camp you are in, or anywhere in between, I want to offer you a way to create an UNMESSABLEITH VALENTINES DAY.

Step 1: Notice all your should's and shouldn'ts about Valentines Day - i.e. they should plan a nice dinner, they shouldn't expect an expensive dinner, we should have great sex tonight, I should have a date tonight, I shouldn't be alone, they should've brought me Godiva chocolates instead of the Walgreens chocolates or worse NO chocolate...etc.... GET IT ALL ON PAPER, actually make a list.

Step 2: Rip up the paper and throw it away.

Step 3: New paper, write down the space you want to create this Valentines Day, is it a space of love? Peace? Appreciation? Intimacy? Sexiness? Being Present? CREATE A THEME FOR THE DAY

Step 4: In all your interactions, do something that presences that theme, or makes that theme real (whether you have a date or not you can presence love or appreciation with someone in your life today)

Have today be a day of YOUR CREATION vs a day that tv shows or love songs created for you that you ended up with by default.

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Let me know what you discover!

kryp·ton·ite
(krĭp′tə-nīt′)n.SlangSomething that presents a particular threat to 'one that is otherwise powerful':

In this case YOU ARE THE ONE! You are the ONE that is powerful.

Superman had super powers, including the powers of flight, superhuman strength, x-ray vision, heat vision, cold breath, super-speed, enhanced hearing, and nigh-invulnerability (which means it is almost impossible to injure him in any serious way and yes I had to look that up).

Even with all that power he was "messablewith" by kryptonite, an alien mineral that has the property of depriving Superman of his powers.

Now for Superman Kryptonite was REAL, literally physically real.

I invite you to start to notice what YOUR kryptonite is.

What messes with you? What throws you off your game?

What messes with you may not have the same kind of reality as an alien mineral, it is likely more in the form of thoughts, beliefs, reasons, justifications, feelings etc. but the impact is pretty much the same.
When you start to be able to see what's messing with you, it begins to give you access to dismantling the seemingly SOLID nature of it so that you can develop the ability to go beyond your current limits.

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This week:
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Notice your kryptonite and then push it to the side (don't worry it will still be there if you need it)
after you push it to the side ask yourself, What am I committed to RIGHT NOW?
after you answer that question ask yourself What action would support fulfilling on what I want RIGHT NOW? then TAKE THAT ACTION.

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Score some victories against your kryptonite this week and begin to develop the muscle of being UNEMSSABLEWITH.

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Many people get stuck in a relationship to language where they use it to describe what is happening.
Either describing what is happening in their circumstances, like my job is difficult or my apartment is messy. Describing what is happening in their relationships like: he is being a jerk, she is ignoring me, they are ungrateful. Describing what is happening internally like I feel sad, I am exhausted, I am frustrated.
While using language to describe is fairly NORMAL it is not the only way to use language and it is often not the most powerful way to use language.

Using language to CREATE is a very powerful access to the WORLD OF CREATION, VISION and DREAMS. For instance: I promise to be patient today, I commit to taking 5 actions each day to forward this project, you can count on me to kiss you goodbye every morning.

You word can be your wand if you use it to CREATE life vs describe some version of life you are seeing or experiencing at any moment.

​Are you a GET STUFF DONE kinda person?
Do you find yourself wiped out at the end of the day? Especially this time of year?
One of the things I have found incredibly useful is to SCHEDULE REST for 30 minutes each day.
When I actively put REST in my schedule it gives me the chance to unplug and recharge so I can avoid that wiped out tiredness that can descend upon those of us who are GET STUFF DONE KINDA PEOPLE.
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When you just go from task to task it is easy to find yourself exhausted at the end of the day. Going from task to task is an indication that you are great at REACTING to life and circumstances, but maybe not as strong at CREATING your day moment to moment.
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Use your calendar to support you, not overwhelm you. You are usually the only one putting things in your calendar (usually) so have your calendar be an EXPRESSION of your CREATION vs something coming at you that you have to survive.

We have all had the experience of the New Year's MEZZO-LUTIONS, resolutions that we know, deep down, we're not going to keep. We may have all the best intentions to honor these half-hearted MEZZO-LUTIONS but shortly after they're made, the inevitable pull to break them takes over and we justify not keeping them with reasons like, "I’ll do it tomorrow," or "It’s not really that important," or "No one cares anyway."
How can we make STICK-O–LUTIONS, as I like to call them, or resolutions that stick? Well, first we have to acknowledge that the sticking power has nothing to do with the resolution itself. It is 100 percent a function of our relationship to our SELF and our WORD. When we make a promise or give our word to something, does it exist for us as a sacred bond or more like cheap talk? In fact, when we break our promises, we chip away at the power of our word, thereby cheapening our so-called commitment and losing all chance of the true power of the promise.
I am of the belief that promising is one of the most powerful tools you can use to create results in your life.
Here are the three main principles that will give your promises power rather than being hot air:
1. Treat your word like everything matters.
If you say you'll meet someone at 7 p.m., be there at 7. If you say you'll do 20 minutes on the treadmill, don't do 19 and say it's enough, do 20. If you say no ice cream this month, buy frozen yogurt, for goodness sake.
If you treat your word like everything matters, you will eliminate the impulse to pick and choose what promises you keep and which you break.
2. Connect your promise to a bigger game.
Think about it this way: What does that promise do to fulfill what is truly important to you? If peace is important to you, how does exercising contribute to your vision of peace, i.e., being fit enables you to sleep better and creates peace of mind.
Here's an example from my own life: My husband had a resolution not to eat Chinese food in 2021. And he didn't have it even once. He connected it to something that mattered to him, which is money. Every time he had Chinese food for dinner, he ended up needing a second dinner later that evening, and now dinner was twice the cost. Furthermore, every time we ordered for the family, it cost about $100, which is much more than we typically budget for dinner. So 2021 was an eggroll-less year in our household.
3. Make keeping your promises be synonymous with building power.
No promises = No power. If being powerful matters to you, you'll stop messing with your promises.
You don’t have much to say about how you feel or what you think or your mood. For the most part, those things just glom on you like little flecks of dust in the air. The only thing you can be UNMESSABLEWITH is your WORD, it's what you have complete to say over. And keeping your word will bring you amazing power.
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We can all relate to the scramble to get gifts that people will want, that they will appreciate. Sometimes, they are disappointed with our choices, sometimes we are disappointed with peoples reactions or even with their gifts to us. How do you give the guaranteed best present of all…by being present with the people in our life vs. being preoccupied with your hopes, fears, wants or don’t wants.

Being with people, really being with them, get to know the people in your life. That may sound strange, but consider we often think we know people really well and we have actually stopped finding out who they are and what matters to them right now. We start ton take people for granted and assume who they are is who they were in the past, we don’t bother learning something new about them. These few simple tips can give you access to the best present you can give the people you love.

1. Choose a lucky recipient of this gift (you son, your husband, you sister, your boss, anyone you want to create something new and fresh with)
2. Recognize your thoughts, opinions, judgements and past knowledge of that person
3. Put it to the side
4. Now, imagine you just met them, actually ask them questions that you would if you just met. (i.e. what are you working in right now.? What is a dream you have that you want to accomplish? If you could have anything, what would you want? What matters to you in life? What’s the best part of your life right now? What’s something you are dealing with that I can support you with?

Whatever you ask, be interested in what they say and who they are beyond the person who you “think” you already know…

1. Now, bring a sense of discovery, wonder and delight to your potentially stale, static, predictable interactions that usually don’t even require them to be there in order to play out given you already know what they will say or do.

If you do the above steps, you can fall in love with the people in your life newly, create partnership and happiness for the holidays in a way that lights up your season in a lasting way.

​Let me know what happens, the victories and the challenges.

CREATE A NEW GAME FOR THE NEW YEAR!
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​Work with ME and a supportive group of like minded people who are committed to fulfill on their dreams and goals and develop themselves in being UNMESSABLEWITH no matter what circumstances life throws at them.

We have 2 groups available starting in January 2023.

Thanksgiving can be about the turkey, stuffing, and sweet potatoes or it can be about the opportunity to thank and appreciate the people who mean the most to you.

​But by merely surviving the holidays, we often miss the point of the season.

Instead of powering through your to-do list this Thanksgiving, why not be the source of appreciation and thanks and create a true THANKSGIVING?

Here are a few ideas to get you on the path to being thankful this holiday:

1. Make a list of the 50 most important people in your life. If 50 is too many, go for 30. These are people who have contributed and made a difference to you in some way. It doesn’t have to be only people who you are in your day-to-day life. People from your past count as well.
2. Write each one of them either an email or a card acknowledging them for the difference they’ve made in your life. This doesn’t have to be a long note. It could be a simple thank you to a high-school teacher for instilling a love for learning in you, or a note to a parent for being a source of inspiration, or to an employee for getting the job done at work, or an email to your boss thanking him/her for giving you the opportunity to express yourself in your career. I recommend being generous with gratitude in your note. This will create a space of appreciation in your life and relationships that has never been present before.
3. Make it a point to thank three people every day for something. It could be thanking the coffee guy for your morning brew, or your child for putting her dirty clothes in the hamper, or your mother-in-law for giving you your amazing husband.

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Be the source of giving thanks wherever you go. If you do this, it will enable you to build a muscle of appreciation that will expand beyond the holiday and have your life filled with gratitude for the big and the little things that make up your everyday life.

I am so thankful to have you in this UNMESSABLEWITH community. As an expression of gratitude, I have created a FREE ONE NIGHT WORKSHOP design to empower you to create an:
​UNMESSABLEWITH HOLIDAY SEASON

One of the first questions I ask people I work with is "What is your dream?".

Sometimes people have an answer at the tip of their tongues but sometimes it takes a bit to get the dreaming muscle going.

Many of us stop dreaming when we are small, for fear that the dream is unrealizable, or silly, or maybe too hard and not worth it.

Once you can articulate your dream, my next question is "Where did that dream come from?"

Often what people see if that they are living a default dream, a dream they inherited from their parents, society, a Disney movie.

If you are spending your life chasing a default dream, even if you realize the dream, ultimately you will not be truly satisfied and fulfilled because YOU didn't create that dream, it was sourced by an outside force, whether it was a person, group of people, circumstance, problem you wanted to solve or the media.

If you let go of any default dream, what would be there?

Look.

What you might see is NOTHING. In the space of nothing you are free to CREATE your dream NOW vs continue to chase a default dream you inherited.
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​Look for yourself and let me know what you see.

Halloween is coming up, and while Halloween is a perfect time to wear a mask and pretend you are someone you are not, the rest of the year isn't.
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If you ask yourself, in your heart of hearts, Are you your authentic self with everyone in life?, If you are telling the truth, your answer would likely be NO. If you answer yes I would suggest you look again. We all wear masks in certain areas of our lives.
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As human beings we pretend to be OK when we are not, we pretend to know what we are doing at work when we are not necessarily confident about our choices, we say our relationship is great when we no longer have that spark we had long ago. (If these examples do not resonate with you I invite you to look at where you can find moments of being less than your authentic self, whether it's with your dry cleaner, the person who sells you coffee, your mother in law, your children or work mates etc....)​

The point is.... pretending is fairly normal in our culture and to be your authentic self takes awareness and discipline.
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Being authentic is one access to being unmessablewith.​

Something you can do to exercise the authenticity muscle is to look at the areas of life you experience being limited or constrained and ask yourself "What am I pretending in this area? What am I not sharing with people? What have I never said for fear of being judged in this area? "
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Simply bringing awareness to these areas can begin to open up a door to taking off the mask and accessing your authentic self.
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I say play the authenticity game this Halloween week and see what you discover for yourself.

Today we'll talk about CREATING TEAM WITH YOUR FAMILY (same technique can be used with any group of people).

We all know the experience of the home-team scatter, where each member of the family goes in separate directions, passing each other on the way to something else. Yet, we long for a sense of teamwork and unity.

​How can you create teamwork when it looks like a game of solitaire is in play? If everyone is out to fulfill on their own agendas, it’s unlikely that you can build a coalition in your family. So, how do you do it?
CREATE A NEW GAME! In order to create teamwork, you have to get in the same game.

Here are two, three-step teamwork plans, that you can put into action immediately. The first three-step plan:

1. Have a family meeting (yes, I know it sounds horrible, but lure them with ice cream, if need be).
2. Ask each member of the family to create ONE thing (quality) that they want to have in the house – things like open communication, freedom, play, fun, etc.
3. Have each day be about one of those things and everyone agrees to play that game on that day.

For example, if Tuesdays are fun day, have fun activities available that day at every turn. Play crazy music while cooking dinner, do make-your-own-sundae night (yes, we like ice cream in our family), play charades after dinner with prizes for the winning team (the dollar store has silly prizes that won’t break the bank).

And here’s the second three-step plan:

1. Ask your family members what they think would make them feel the family/group is more of a team. Let each person talk and write down everyone’s suggestions.
2. Next, come up with a family poster that includes everyone’s suggestions. Let each person add artwork to the poster.
3. Whenever chaos starts to ensue, direct your teammates to that poster and ask them to employ suggestion immediately. For example, it might say, “Speak nicely to your family” or “Take turns with the computer” or “Say thank you.” Whatever the items, make sure they’re specific and easily employable at a moment’s notice.

​Ultimately, your kids do want to play with you and if you can create your household as a game worth playing, you will be able to create teamwork at the least likely moments!