The urban dictionary defines 'unmessable' as: The quality of being able to stand in the face of any circumstance and not be thrown off course.
Being "unmessable with": someone who can generate possibility with anyone at anytime under any circumstance.
"Unmessable with-ness": the quality of being unstoppable in the face of no agreement, able to turn lemons into lemonade.
Being UNMESSABLEWITH is not about having perfect circumstances but rather, who you are in the face of the real circumstances life throws at you.
Being able to create possibility and make a difference under any circumstance, with anyone at any time, and never lose who you are is what I call being UNMESSABLEWITH.
Wouldn't we all like to be UN-MESSABLEWWITH? Well, it is possible and accessible if you develop yourself to BE UNMESSABLEWITH. A simple initial access to the world of UNMESSABLEWITHNESS is to follow these simple steps.
- First, get clear about what you are committed to. What is it you 'stand for' in a particular situation? It might be compassion. It may be peace. It may be justice or equity. Or, it may be simply being loving. Whatever you 'stand for' is your access to UNMESSABLEWITHNESS.
- Second, make a list of things that you know would throw you off course. A powerful way to be unmessablewith is to identify that which predictably "messes" with you. It may be if/when someone disagrees with you or criticizes you. It may be if/when someone says no to you or makes fun of you. Whatever "messes" with you...get it on paper. Getting it on paper gives you the ability to not be blindsided by it if/when it happens.
- When faced with a situation that throws you...notice you have been thrown and immediately ask yourself, what do I stand for? Reconnecting with what you 'stand for' enables you to bounce back in the face of those buttons that may have been pushed.
- Then ask yourself, What actions would fulfill what I 'stand for' right now? And take them or schedule them in your calendar immediately.
I consider myself someone who practices being UNMESSABLEWITH regularly, but recently I got ’thrown’ in a business dealing. A client of mine wanted to break her contract, and I didn't see it coming. I was blindsided. For a day I was upset, stressed and lost sleep because I took it personally and went through a mental picture of "how much I had done for her", "how could she?", etc. I noticed I was being 'messable-with' and asked myself, "What do I stand for regarding this relationship and my contracts?"
The answer was simple, integrity, accountability and honor.
In a moment all the stress I had been experiencing disappeared and my actions became natural and obvious, being guided by what I stood for. (i.e. replying to her emailing promptly, drafting a termination agreement and continuing to honor my obligations all the while).
In an instant I was UNMESSABLEWITH again and my dealings with her have been a demonstration of integrity, accountability and honor.
So remember ask yourself:
1. What do I stand for?
2. What is messing with me right now?
3. What do I stand for? (your stand is the most powerful entry point to being unmessablewith)
4. What actions can I take that would fulfill what I stand for? (Take them or schedule them NOW)
Your stand is your access to the world of being UNMESSABLEWITH, right now, and right now, and right now.
The Art of Being Unmessablewith: Three seconds of COURAGE alters your life forever
Courage isn't the absence of fear but rather having fear and taking action anyway. Mostly people wait for their fear to disappear before hey take risks...good luck with that one...what people fail to realize is that if you don't have fear, courage isn't needed.
Only when you have fear;...
to ask for a raise..
to tell someone you love them
to start a new business etc...
does courage become a useful tool.
A friend of mine once said it “it only takes three seconds of courage to alter your life forever”, I have taken that to heart and started seeking out areas where I'm afraid to take action. I decided that anyplace I am afraid, that is the future beckoning m, calling me forward. Obviously I'm not talking about stepping into moving traffic, where fear is appropriate and useful, but rather situations like calling someone about a business dealing or making a request for someone to be involved in a project or to join my board or directors...fear in those situations feels the same as the traffic fear even though that makes no sense logically given my survival is not really threatened.
Recently I was afraid to go to the doctor and get a test done. My fear was based on thinking they would find something wrong and then I would have to take actions to deal with it. I avoided the doctor for months. Finally I listened to my own advice and said “it takes three seconds of courage” and I took the three seconds to make the appointment, once it was made I knew I would go. I had the test and all was well but the point is the fear stopping me took more of my energy and aliveness that the reality of doing the test.
I am inviting you to play the COURAGE GAME with me, here is how you play: Everyday, muster up three seconds of courage to take a risk you would not normally take in an area that is important to you, see what happens, share what happens with others...you will be developing your muscle if unmessablewithness every time courage wins over fear. Fear isn't going anywhere, but you can triumph over fear and be UnMessableWith in the face of anything life throws at you.
Many people who are successful and accomplished, end up being master REACTORS vs master CREATORS.
What do I mean by that?
Life is constantly throwing things at us to handle and act on, especially if you are an effective, successful person. Sometimes you end up developing the muscle of REACTING really well in certain circumstances. You are able to get stuff done, to be effective in dealing with "stuff". This is obviously not a bad thing, however it is NOT the same as being a MASTER CREATOR and sometimes gets confused as the same muscle.
Being able to CREATE your life on a moment to moment basis has a lot to do with the space FROM which you are living vs what you are actually DOING or even accomplishing
Are you coming from the space of REACTING to:
- your spouse/partner,
- your employees,
- your boss,
- your neighbor,
- your thoughts or feelings,
- maybe even other people's opinions?
Or, are you actually CREATING the space that you are functioning FROM as an intentional creation that you have THE say over.
While circumstances sometimes may just "happen", the space from which you deal with the circumstances can be CREATED by YOU.
Furthermore, it is like any muscle, you need to start by practicing using that muscle.
THE NEXT TIME YOU EXPERIENCE YOURSELF REACTING TO SOMETHING OR SOMEONE:
1. Ask yourself, what space am I CREATING from which to respond to this situation or person?
(i.e. If you create the space of patience or compassion or impact, ask yourself, 'What would patience, compassion or impact say or do right now?" )
2. Say that or do that.
In the coming week I invite you to simply notice when you are REACTING to life vs CREATING life and begin acting and speaking from a CREATED space, created in your word.
Let me know what you see!
(krĭp′tə-nīt′) n. Slang Something that presents a particular threat to 'one that is otherwise powerful':
In this case YOU ARE THE ONE! You are the ONE that is powerful.
Superman had super powers, including the powers of flight, superhuman strength, x-ray vision, heat vision, cold breath, super-speed, enhanced hearing, and nigh-invulnerability (which means it is almost impossible to injure him in any serious way and yes I had to look that up).
Even with all that power he was "messablewith" by kryptonite, an alien mineral that has the property of depriving Superman of his powers.
Now for Superman Kryptonite was REAL, literally physically real.
I invite you to start to notice what YOUR kryptonite is.
What messes with you? What throws you off your game?
What messes with you may not have the same kind of reality as an alien mineral, it is likely more in the form of thoughts, beliefs, reasons, justifications, feelings etc. but the impact is pretty much the same.
When you start to be able to see what's messing with you, it begins to give you access to dismantling the seemingly SOLID nature of it so that you can develop the ability to go beyond your current limits.
Score some victories against your kryptonite this week and begin to develop the muscle of being UNMESSABLEWITH.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.