People often think when I say "you need nothing" that I mean "you don't need anything"...That is NOT what I mean.
When I say you need nothing, I am pointing to that you need a blank canvas to create. You need a space with nothing in it to actually create.
The question becomes "how do I create nothing?".
Let's dive into the 4-step process I outlined:
Step 1: Pick an area or a relationship that you want to create something new in. Reflect on the person or area Begin by jotting down everything you know about the area or person you're focusing on. Embrace the good, the bad, and the challenges. This could pertain to personal growth, relationships, or any facet of your life.
Step 2: Uncover Limiting Beliefs List all the reasons you believe you don't have what you want in that specific area/relationship. These might be lingering doubts, self-imposed limitations, or past experiences that are holding you back. Take a moment to distinguish these beliefs.
Step 3: Have a talk with yourself in the Mirror Read your list aloud in front of a mirror, repeating it three times. This step invites self-reflection, encouraging you to name the limiting beliefs or thoughts that may be hindering your progress.
Step 4: Release and Create Now, take the paper, tear it up, and let it go. YES TEAR IT UP! This symbolic act represents shedding old beliefs and making room for fresh possibilities. Look at the situation or person anew and ask, "What do I want to create?" Identify the actions needed to bring your vision to life and schedule them in your calendar.
I'll share a personal example to illustrate. I had reservations about yoga, citing reasons like not being a morning person or feeling too fast-paced for it or YOGA is dangerous, in fact I slipped a disc doing YOGA years ago. However, by committing to yoga classes, incorporating walks and circuit training, I've transformed my perspective. Now, these actions are in my calendar, and I'm on track to realizing my vision of being long lean and sexy!.
I found this process to be liberating, and I thought you might resonate with it too. Remember, our limitations often exist in our minds, and by releasing old beliefs, we create space for positive change.
Happy Valentine's Week! In the spirit of LOVE and ROMANCE I wanted to share this take on being unmessablewith in relationship.
Looking for love? Is your filter robbing you of finding it?
When my clients tell me they are looking for "the one," I often ask them what that means, and inevitably, they have a list of qualities that "the one" has. That list serves as a filter through which they measure anyone they date or even consider dating. That filter messes with them (and might be messing with you).
When I met my husband, it was a blind date that my sister set up. She called me and said, "I have a guy for you." I replied, "Not interested, I am taking a break." She insisted, "No, I have the PERFECT guy for you." I reluctantly agreed, saying, "One cup of coffee, I will have one cup of coffee with him." Needless to say, almost 30 years later, with 3 kids and 10,000,000 cups of coffee shared, she was right. My point in sharing this is that he did not fit my filter. He was too young, too skinny, etc. If I had been looking at him through that filter, we wouldn't have had the past 30 years to build our life together.
Before our first date, I decided to be on the date with the attitude of curiosity and discovery. Well, that was my last first date, and I discovered that maybe my list (or filter) may not be the most useful lens.
If you are looking for your ONE, I invite you to make a list of what is making up your filter. Write it all down (height, build, job, personality, hobbies, education, family, money, etc). Now take the paper... and rip it up! Free yourself from your filter!
The next step is to pre-create a space, a new filter, made up of possibility or vision, not characteristics. Something like wonder, compassion, discovery, fun, etc. Use that as your filter and view them through that new filter, which creates space vs narrows down who can fit in your heart.
This is a first step to dismantling what messes with you in your search for THE ONE. The biggest access to love is creating love and sharing it, vs looking to get it from someone or something. See if you can practice loving people this week. Find the LOVELY parts of people and speak to that part of them instead of measuring them against your list.
Lists and love may not be the best formula.
So, I invite you to let go of the list and create the love that you will bring to your life.
Do you have money, or does money have you?
One of the significant areas that can mess with people is MONEY. I've worked with individuals facing massive debt with only $30.00 in their bank accounts, as well as those with tens of millions of dollars. Honestly, I can attest that the root cause of their challenges is not solely related to the dollar amount; it's about their relationship with money, plain and simple.
've discovered the following steps to be highly effective when seeking to transform your relationship from money having control over you to you having control over your money.
1. Clarify Your Actual Financial Situation: Get clear about how much money you genuinely have. Examine every bank account, 401k, and other financial assets to determine the accurate dollar amount.
2. Calculate Your Income: Gain clarity on how much money you earn. Review the last six months, and if your income comes from multiple sources, calculate an average. This includes interest from bank accounts, dividends from stock ownership, salary, etc.
3. Understand Your Expenditure: Develop a clear understanding of your spending habits. This may involve conducting a six-month audit of your credit card bills, cash withdrawals, etc. Alternatively, you can maintain a money tracking audit sheet (see attached below) to identify where and when you are spending your money.
4. Define Your Financial Goals: Once you are grounded in the reality of the numbers, clarify what you genuinely want. Whether it's doubling your income, reducing spending by 20%, or alleviating worries about money, be specific about your financial goals.
5. Identify Five Actionable Steps: Ask yourself, "What are five actions I can take to achieve what I desire?" List these concrete steps that align with your financial goals.
6. Take Daily Action: Execute the actions you've identified. Consistency is key, so make a commitment to repeat this process daily.
7. Revisit and Refine: Repeat steps 4-6 daily. Regularly revisit and refine your financial goals and action steps to ensure ongoing progress.
By following these steps, you'll shift from a position where money has you to one where you have the say over your relationship to money.
Today, I want to delve into a profound topic that has been on my mind: the impact of concealing aspects of ourselves and the true freedom that comes with not HAVING to hide anything
Unveiling the Hidden: The Power of Authenticity We all carry hidden layers, whether due to societal expectations, fear of judgment, or personal insecurities. But have you considered the toll this may be taking on your ability to live authentically?
The Energy of Concealment: Concealing parts of ourselves consumes energy, diverting focus from living authentically. The constant effort to maintain a facade can lead to stress, anxiety, and a sense of disconnection from our true selves. It really doesn't matter "what" you are hiding, it's the act of hiding that robs us of our freedom. (whether it's hiding that you bite your nails to hiding that you had an infidelity)
Breaking Free: Embracing Authenticity The journey toward authenticity begins with acknowledging and embracing every part of ourselves. Reflect on what you hide and why – this introspection is the first step toward dismantling the barriers that keep us from being genuine.
Liberation Through Vulnerability Sharing our authentic selves requires vulnerability, which is a strength, not a weakness. It fosters genuine connections, self-acceptance, and a life lived with purpose. Try revealing what you are hiding to 3 people and see what happens to the prison of hiding.
Freedom Without Overwhelm Being free to be yourself doesn't mean divulging everything indiscriminately. It's about the freedom to be and act without the burden of hiding. Authenticity allows for discernment, ensuring that we share appropriately and cultivate meaningful connections.
Your Invitation to True Freedom Consider this newsletter an invitation to explore the hidden corners of your life and start the journey toward greater authenticity. What are you concealing, and how might releasing it free up energy for a more fulfilling, genuine existence?
A Balanced Challenge Identify one thing you've been concealing and ask: What would it feel like to release it, to be free from the weight of concealment? Challenge yourself to take one step toward unveiling your authentic self, remembering that authenticity includes a thoughtful approach to sharing.
True freedom lies in embracing every facet of who you are. Let's embark on this journey together and celebrate the liberation that authenticity brings.
Do you ever feel like you’re running out of time?
Do you find it challenging to accomplish everything on your to-do list, leaving you wishing for more hours in the day?
I’ve been there, and I want to share a perspective that has helped me shift from overwhelm to ease—it’s not about the amount of time you have but rather your relationship to time.
HOW TO SHIFT FROM OVERWHELM TO EASE
1. Make a Comprehensive List:
Start by making a list of everything you need or want to accomplish. Whether it’s work tasks, personal goals, or self-care activities, jot them down. This step is about bringing clarity to the multitude of incomplete tasks that may be causing you stress.
Action Step 1: Grab a notepad or open a note-taking app and list out all your tasks.
2. Assign Deadlines:
Next to each item on your list, assign a “by when” date for when you want it to be completed. This step adds a layer of structure to your tasks, helping you prioritize and manage your time effectively.
Action Step 2: Take a moment to allocate deadlines to each task on your list.
3. Schedule Tasks in Your Calendar:
Take your list and transfer the tasks to your calendar. As you schedule each action, cross it off the list. This transforms your to-do list into a tangible, time-bound plan that lives in reality, not your head.
Action Step 3: Open your calendar and schedule each task at specific times and days. Cross them off your list as you go.
4. Resolve Overlaps:
If you notice any overlaps in your calendar, take the time to reschedule conflicting tasks. Reality doesn’t tolerate two things in the same place at the same time, and your calendar shouldn’t either.
Action Step 4: Ensure there are no overlaps in your calendar by adjusting and rescheduling conflicting tasks.
5. Reflect on Your Accomplishments:
Look at your crossed-off list and reflect on the experience of transforming your “someday” tasks into real, scheduled events. What are you present to right now?
Action Step 5: Take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate the shift from overwhelm to clarity.
6. Execute Your Schedule:
The magic happens when you follow through. Simply do what you scheduled when you scheduled it. The real transformation occurs when you turn your WORD into actions.
Action Step 6: Embrace the magic of “Abracadabra” by executing your scheduled tasks as planned.
By implementing these steps, I’ve found myself transitioning from a state of overwhelm to a space of ease.
My calendar has become a tool for empowerment rather than a source of stress.
Here’s to a newfound relationship with time and the ease that comes with it!
Abracadabra, you create with your word!
One of things I love to do is have conversations about being Unmessablewith™. Some of those conversations are during podcast interviews. Here are some of my favorite podcast interviews of 2023. Enjoy the tips and strategies to develop yourself in being able to CREATE vs REACT in life and be Unmessablewith™!
The Terri Cole Show
A Productive Conversation with Mike Vardy
Sleep Is A Skill with Mollie Eastman
Let’s dive into a topic that is often shrouded in mystery, embarrassment and misconceptions: SEX. Contrary to popular belief, sex and intimacy are not automatically intertwined. In fact, I suggest that the key to great sex lies in open and honest communication. So, let’s explore how you can enhance your connection with your partner and take your intimacy to new heights!
Action Step 1: Set aside dedicated time to communicate openly with your partner. Create a safe space for sharing thoughts and feelings without judgment.
2. Intimacy Requires Honesty: Intimacy is not solely reserved for the bedroom. It’s a multifaceted aspect of a relationship that is deeply rooted in honesty. Think about those moments of intimacy you’ve experienced with people you’re not romantically involved with. Chances are, those connections were built on a foundation of truth and openness. Apply the same principles to your romantic relationship by being completely honest with your partner.
Action Step 2: Reflect on your level of honesty in your relationship. Are there things you’re holding back? Take the initiative to share fully and authentically.
3. Open Communication for Better Sex and Intimacy: If you desire both great sex and deep intimacy, open and honest communication is the key. Ask yourself the tough questions: What are you not saying? What are you hiding? What are you trying to ignore? Challenge yourself to bring these topics into the open, creating a pathway for a more profound connection with your partner.
Action Step 3: Initiate a conversation with your partner where both of you can openly share your thoughts, dreams, and concerns. Use this dialogue as a bridge to the best sex and intimacy you’ve ever experienced together.
Remember, the more you communicate openly, the stronger the foundation you build for a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. So, are you ready to take your connection to the next level?
As we embark on a new year, it’s time to reflect on the age-old tradition of New Year’s resolutions. We’ve all been there, setting ambitious goals only to find them slipping away shortly after the clock strikes midnight. It’s the classic case of New Year’s MEZZO-LUTIONS – resolutions that lack the sticking power we desire.
So, how do we transition from fleeting resolutions to STICK-O-LUTIONS, promises that truly stick? Join me on a journey to explore the secrets of making commitments that endure.
Treat Your Word Like Everything Matters
When we make promises, they should carry weight. If you commit to meeting someone at 7 p.m., honor that commitment. If you pledge to spend 20 minutes on the treadmill, don’t settle for 19. Treating your word with the gravity it deserves eliminates the temptation to selectively uphold promises.
Connect Your Promise to a Bigger Game
Consider the impact of your promises on what truly matters to you. If peace is a priority, link your commitment to actions that contribute to your vision of peace. For instance, maintaining a fitness routine can lead to better sleep, cultivating peace of mind. Connecting promises to meaningful objectives strengthens their significance.
In a personal example, my husband refrained from eating Chinese food for an entire year. Why? He connected it to his financial goals. Each Chinese meal led to an additional dinner expense, impacting our budget. This small sacrifice resulted in an eggroll-less, but financially empowered, 2013.
Make Keeping Promises Synonymous with Building Power
No promises, no power. Recognize that keeping your word is not just about commitments; it’s about building personal power. If empowerment is a priority for you, embracing and fulfilling promises becomes a pathway to increased strength and influence.
In a world where many things are beyond our control, your word remains a force you can wield. It’s the key to becoming UNMESSABLEWITH – where your word is sacred and unbreakable.
Remember, you might not have control over your feelings, thoughts, or mood, but your word is entirely within your command. Embrace the power of promises, and watch as it brings incredible strength into your life.
If you’re intrigued by the idea of unleashing the potential of your promises, consider diving deeper into this transformative concept. For those hungry for more, I’ve authored two books on the subject – “Peace Promises” and “The Promise Effect.”
Wishing you an UNMESSABLEWITH™ holiday is okay, but what if you could have a RECIPE FOR AN UNMESSABLEWITH™ HOLIDAY!
I wanted to give you a quick video to support you in being unmessablewith™ this coming week.
Click below to see a 5 minute excerpt from my UNMESSABLEWITH HOLIDAY WORKSHOP that will give you a quick-go-to-recipe. This will be especially useful if you find yourself HOOKED, ANNOYED, ANXIOUS or UPSET.
Honestly it will be useful even if you are experiencing peace, joy and happiness. THIS IS ABOUT CREATING YOUR HOLIDAY.
Honestly it will be useful even if you are experiencing peace, joy and happiness. THIS IS ABOUT CREATING YOUR HOLIDAY.
Have you ever found yourself trapped in the never-ending cycle of striving for perfection, hesitating to take the next step until you’re certain it’s “right”? If so, you’re not alone, and today, we’re here to talk about the liberating concept of embracing imperfect action.
“I don’t really go down the road of right and wrong because it’s so subjective. So for me, I, you know, if people are like, I got to get it right, I’d be like, there is no right to get, there’s just what you’re creating because people, you know, get stuck in perfection paralysis, you know, trying to get things right before they put it out there.” -ME, I said this lol
These words echo the power of not having to get it right, spoken by someone who understands that perfection is a subjective, often elusive goal. This notion is particularly relevant to anyone engaged in the process of creation – whether you’re an artist, entrepreneur, or visionary.
Breaking Free from Perfection Paralysis
The pursuit of perfection can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it drives us to refine and enhance our work. On the other hand, it can paralyze us, preventing us from taking action and realizing our dreams.
When we wait for the “perfect” moment or the “perfect” creation, we often find ourselves stuck in a state of perpetual indecision. The fear of making a mistake or being judged can hinder our progress. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
The Power of Imperfect Action
Embracing the idea that there is no singular “right” way is liberating. It’s an acknowledgment that creation is a journey, not a destination. Imperfect actions, with their quirks and flaws, have their own unique charm and beauty.
Here are a few key takeaways to remember:
1. Action Over Perfection: The act of creating is a process of exploration. The more you do, the more you learn. Imperfect actions are your stepping stones to improvement in your performance.
2. Learning from Mistakes: Mistakes and imperfections are valuable teachers. They help you refine your craft, discover new possibilities, and grow as a creator.
3. Connection and Authenticity: Perfect can be intimidating, whereas imperfect can be relatable and human. Imperfections in your creations can help you connect with your audience or your family or colleagues, on a deeper level.
4. Progress Over Perfection: Remember that progress is the game. Waiting for perfection can lead to stagnation, while taking imperfect actions moves you forward.
5. Trust Yourself: Believe in your creative instincts and the path you’re on. You don’t have to conform to external definitions of perfection.
Celebrate Imperfect Action
So, here’s to celebrating those imperfections, the zigzags, and the beautifully chaotic journey of creation. Embrace your creative spirit, dare to take imperfect actions, and allow your unique vision to shine through.
Perfection is a mirage, but actions and the courage to create are real and tangible. Don’t let the fear of getting it “right” hold you back. Instead, let the joy of creation propel you forward, one imperfect action at a time.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.