THE ART OF BEING UNMESSABLEWITH - Newsletter

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Do you ever feel trapped? Have you ever trained fleas?

11/27/2023

Lately, I've been diving deep with my clients to uncover what truly stops them from taking action towards their dreams.

It all starts with a clear vision. When we know what we want in life, we have our North Star guiding us towards our goals. But here's the thing - it's not always the lack of vision that holds us back. It's often the stories we tell ourselves about why we can't achieve what we desire. This tends to cloud our vision and keep us trapped.

Just like the fascinating story of how fleas are trained, we, too, can become trapped by invisible lids that keep us stuck in the past. Those past experiences, beliefs, and self-doubts create limitations that we carry with us, often unknowingly. We jump against the lid, but we're held back by our own perceptions.

The journey to transformation involves uncovering these limiting beliefs, then questioning and challenging their validity. Is it really true that you're not good enough? Is it true that you can't pursue your passion as a career? Are those stories from the past still relevant today?

ANY TRUTH IS AN IMAGINARY LID.

The moment we start to question these stories, we open up a world of possibilities. We begin to see that the lid isn't really there - it's just a product of our own perceptions. And when we realize this, a sense of empowerment takes over.

I've witnessed this transformation in countless individuals including myself.

Below is a video clip exploring the above with Mike Vardy and I on his podcast A PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION.

So, my dear friends, let's explore together. Let's identify the stories that are holding us back and challenge their validity. Let's embrace the power of vision and step into a world where our dreams are within reach. Together, we can become fearless and unmessablewith, just like the powerful fleas that initially jump without hesitation.

How to have the best Thanksgiving ever!

11/20/2023

Thanksgiving can be about the turkey, stuffing, and sweet potatoes or it can be about the opportunity to thank and appreciate the people who mean the most to you.

But by merely surviving the holidays, we often miss the point of the season.

Instead of powering through your to-do list this Thanksgiving, why not be the source of appreciation and thanks and create a true THANKSGIVING?

Here are a few ideas to get you on the path to being thankful this holiday:

Make a list of the 50 most important people in your life. If 50 is too many, go for 30. These are people who have contributed and made a difference to you in some way. It doesn’t have to be only people who you are in your day-to-day life. People from your past count as well.
Write each one of them either an email or a card acknowledging them for the difference they’ve made in your life. This doesn’t have to be a long note. It could be a simple thank you to a high-school teacher for instilling a love for learning in you, or a note to a parent for being a source of inspiration, or to an employee for getting the job done at work, or an email to your boss thanking him/her for giving you the opportunity to express yourself in your career. I recommend being generous with gratitude in your note. This will create a space of appreciation in your life and relationships that has never been present before.
Make it a point to thank three people every day for something. It could be thanking the coffee guy for your morning brew, or your child for putting her dirty clothes in the hamper, or your mother-in-law for giving you your amazing husband.

Be the source of giving thanks wherever you go. If you do this, it will enable you to build a muscle of appreciation that will expand beyond the holiday and have your life filled with gratitude for the big and the little things that make up your everyday life.

You need to release to expand

11/13/2023

In our journey through life, we often face a paradox: to expand, we must first learn to release. This concept may seem counterintuitive, but let me share why it's essential, whether in business, personal growth, relationships or even yoga.

The Yoga Analogy Yoga teaches us a valuable lesson. When holding a challenging pose, it might seem logical to hold our breath tightly, believing it will help us maintain the posture. However, the opposite is true. To extend into the pose and find balance, we must release our breath. In doing so, we create space for expansion. (look at me the yogi...something I never would have thought was possible)

Applying It to Life Much like in yoga, the same principle applies to life, especially when it comes to entrepreneurship, personal development, and relationships. Many individuals I work with, including but not limited to, entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, and executives, often struggle with trying to "do it all" instead of having it all.

The Need to Let Go To expand and elevate any area of our lives, we must let go. Holding tightly onto tasks, projects, or responsibilities limits the space for growth. It could be the belief that you're the only one who can do something correctly or withholding a crucial communication.

Identifying Your Constraints Take a moment to reflect on the areas in your life where you're striving for growth and expansion. Are you experiencing slow progress or stagnation? Ask yourself: What am I holding on to? What do I need to release, delegate, communicate, or share to create space for expansion?

Breaking the Barrier What you're holding on to acts as a lid on what's possible. By releasing it, you unlock new opportunities, ideas, and growth. It might be challenging at first, as letting go often requires vulnerability and trust, but the rewards are worth it.

Share Your Insights I'd love to hear what you discover in your self-reflection. What are you ready to release to create room for expansion in your life, business, or relationships? Feel free to share your insights with me; I'm here to support your journey.

Remember, expansion often begins with letting go. Embrace the paradox, release to expand, and watch as new possibilities and opportunities unfold.

Moving from distraction to action.

11/6/2023

In my work with coaching clients, I've noticed a common challenge that messes with many of us face in our day-to-day lives: distraction. It's a scenario we're all too familiar with—you set out to accomplish a task, and then an email pings in, your social media feed beckons, or a phone call interrupts your focus. Like a cat with a pen light, you find yourself easily distracted, veering off course to respond and react to whatever is coming at you.

The ability to maintain focus on the actions you intend to accomplish during a specific time is a crucial skill for anyone looking to elevate their performance in any area of life. Think of it as a muscle that needs to be developed because reacting to life's constant stimuli is the default mode for many of us. However, it's the move from reaction to creation that truly empowers us to become authors of our actions rather than simply reacting to external forces.

So, how do we transition from distraction to action? It starts with being crystal clear about your vision or purpose for any activity you engage in. Whether it's writing a series of emails, working on a project, or any task at hand, having a clear vision of what you aim to achieve is paramount.

For instance, if your task is to write a series of emails, don't just see it as a mundane chore. Instead, envision the result you want to produce through those emails. It could be leaving people with more freedom and power in their lives, or maybe it's about solidifying an outcome for a project at work. Keep that vision at the forefront of your mind.

Now, here's where the magic happens. Your actions should be aligned with this vision. During your dedicated work time, resist the urge to check emails, texts, or social media. Ignore the incoming calls. Instead, stay laser-focused on the actions that will bring your vision to life. It may not always be easy, but it's a skill that you can develop over time.

I recommend starting with short periods of uninterrupted time to build your focus muscle. Begin with 15 minutes, during which you are entirely dedicated to the task at hand. For some, this might be a challenge initially, while for others, it may come more naturally. Gradually extend these periods to 20, 30, or even 45 minutes until you can comfortably maintain an hour of uninterrupted focus on your chosen task.

Now, you might be wondering about emergencies. What if someone needs to reach you urgently? In such cases, consider setting up specific alert sounds for key contacts, like a babysitter watching your kids. This way, you can be confident that you won't miss critical information. Remember, most situations can tolerate a 15-minute delay in your response.

Let's also remember that there was a time when cell phones and emails weren't constantly attached to us. We survived just fine without them. So, I encourage you to practice moving from distraction to action, one 15-minute chunk at a time, and build the muscle of producing results that you've authored rather than reacting to life's distractions.

Step 1: Define Your Vision

Begin by identifying a clear vision or purpose for the task at hand. Visualize the specific outcome you want to achieve. For example, if you're writing emails, envision leaving recipients with more freedom and power in their lives.

Step 2: Create Dedicated Work Time

Set aside dedicated time for your task. Start with short intervals, such as 15 minutes. During this time, commit to focusing solely on your task, avoiding distractions.

Step 3: Avoid External Distractions

During your dedicated work time, resist the urge to check emails, texts, or social media. Set a timer. Mute or ignore incoming calls. Stay committed to your vision.

Step 4: Align Actions with Vision

Ensure that your actions are aligned with your vision. If you're writing emails to empower others, make sure every word you type contributes to that goal.

Step 5: Gradually Extend Focus Periods

As you become more comfortable with sustained focus, gradually extend your dedicated work periods. Move from 15 minutes to 20, 30, 45, and eventually a full hour.

Step 6: Set Alerts for Critical Contacts

For emergencies or important contacts, set up specific alert sounds. This way, you can respond promptly without constant interruptions.

Step 7: Embrace the No-Distraction Zone

Remember that there was a time when we didn't have constant digital distractions. Embrace your "no-distraction zone" and cultivate the discipline of focused action.

By following these steps, you'll build the muscle of staying focused on your goals and authoring your actions. Don't let distractions derail your path to success. Take charge of your productivity and turn your vision into reality.

Choose It or Change It: AKA Suffering Is Optional

10/30/2023

Have you ever found yourself complaining about something or someone in your life? It's something we all do from time to time. But here's the truth: whatever you complain about, you end up suffering over. It's time to explore the profound concept of "Choose It or Change It" and how it can transform your life.

1. Complaining Leads to Suffering We often find ourselves complaining about various aspects of our lives – our job, relationships, circumstances, and more. This complaining, whether expressed openly or kept within, breeds dissatisfaction and suffering. It's like carrying around a heavy burden that weighs us down.

2. Choosing Doesn't Mean Liking To "Choose It" doesn't necessarily mean you have to like or love what you're choosing. Instead, it means taking responsibility as the author of your life story rather than playing the victim. It's about acknowledging that you have the power to decide how you respond to what life throws your way.

3. The Power of Choice When you actively choose something, you regain control. You become proactive rather than reactive. This shift in perspective empowers you to shape your own destiny. It's a declaration that you are no longer "at the mercy of" or "messablewith by" external circumstances.

4. Be Willing to Commit 100% If you're not willing to choose something in your life 100%, it's time to get clear about what actions you need to take to change it. Choosing is an active and creative commitment, and half-hearted decisions often lead to continued suffering. Take those necessary actions to transform your situation.

5. Suffering is Optional Ultimately, remember that suffering is optional. It's a state of mind that arises when we feel trapped or powerless. By choosing to be the creator or take actions to change what you cannot accept, you can free yourself from needless suffering.

A Life of Empowerment and Freedom Awaits As you delve into the "Choose It or Change It" philosophy, you'll discover that you hold the keys to your happiness, fulfillment and ultimately to being unmessablewith. You can craft a life that aligns with your values, desires, and dreams. Embrace the power of choice, and watch as your life transforms into one of empowerment, fulfillment and freedom.

So, the next time you catch yourself complaining, pause and ask yourself: "Am I willing to choose this 100% or take actions to change it?" The choice is yours, and it's the first step toward a life that's truly yours to author.

Wishing you a week filled with empowered choices and freedom from unnecessary suffering.

Do you find yourself reacting to and managing what is coming at you?

10/23/2023

Do you find yourself reacting to people, circumstances and things throughout the day?

Are you successful in life but a lot of your success is rooted in being able to effectively manage what is being thrown at you moment to moment?

Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey towards discovering and unleashing the power of creation within you?

Let's break it down into four essential steps:

Step 1: Define Your Dreams

Start by getting crystal clear about your dreams. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Take a moment to ask yourself, "What do I really want?" This is the first crucial step on our journey to unleashing your unmessablewith creation muscle.

Step 2: Identify Your Obstacles

Now, let's identify the obstacles that have been holding you back. These may include doubts, excuses, or limiting beliefs that have kept you from pursuing your dreams. Recognize them and acknowledge their presence.

Step 3: Dismantle Doubts and Excuses

It's time to confront and dismantle your doubts and excuses. Challenge them, loosen their grip on you, and clear the path for your creative vision to flourish. This step is about empowering yourself to move forward.

Step 4: Embrace The Source of Your Creativity

As you break free from doubt's chains, you'll discover the true essence of your creativity. What is your vision? What is your dream? Your purpose?
Embrace it fully and allow it to guide you. This is where magic comes alive, setting the stage for a future filled with unmessablewith possibilities.

Step 5: Nurture Your Vision Based Journey

If you'd like to take it one step further, consider nurturing your vision based creative journey. This ongoing process involves consistently nurturing and cultivating whatever you are creating as your vision, dream, purpose, keeping the flame of creation burning bright.

If you are foggy on your vision feel free to watch my ted talk to give you an idea of a couple of ways to identify what you burn for.

WATCH MY TEDTALK

Reconnecting with who you really are

10/16/2023

Today, I want to address a common misconception about the journey towards being unmessablewith™. Some may view it as a difficult or challenging endeavor, but I want to offer a different perspective. I believe that being unmessablewith™ is not about something being hard or unnatural—it's about rediscovering and embracing our true essence.

When I say it's not hard for you, I mean that it aligns with who you are at your core. It's not about forcing yourself into a mold or trying to be someone you're not. Being unmessablewith™ is about reconnecting with your authentic self and unleashing the magic that lies within.

It's true that reacting is often the default mode for many of us. After all, life constantly bombards us with unexpected situations and challenges that demand immediate attention. And if you've achieved success, you've likely become adept at reacting and putting out fires. But there's a whole world beyond reaction—a world of creation, where true magic resides.

Building the muscle of being unmessablewith™ is about shifting our focus from reaction to creation. It's about tapping into the realm of possibilities, where our visions come to life and we become the architects of our own destiny. It's a process of accessing the magic that lies within each of us.

Now, I won't deny that it takes practice. It takes discipline. It takes muscle. We've spent so much of our lives reacting that it has become ingrained in our muscle memory. But just as we can train our bodies to perform certain tasks, we can also train ourselves to be unmessablewith™. It's a matter of building the muscle of creation.

So, let's embark on this journey of accessing the magic within. Let's develop the muscle of being unmessablewith™ and unlock our true potential. Together, we can embrace a world of creation, where our dreams become reality and where magic happens.

Thank you for being part of this unmessablewith™ community, where we support one another in accessing the magic within.

Do you ever deal with Imposter Syndrome?

10/9/2023

In my work with people, I started to notice that many of them were dealing with IMPOSTER SYNDROME and needed a way through it. The Formulation Process is something I created inside the Unmessablewith Coaching System that empowers people to transcend imposter syndrome.

I want to share a step-by-step guide to The Formulation Process so that if you are dealing with this ever present issue, YOU have a way through it as well.

Step 1: Accomplishment Inventory

Begin by reflecting on your accomplishments, both personal and professional. Take time to acknowledge all the milestones you've achieved, the challenges you've conquered, and the impact you've made. This step sets the foundation for overcoming imposter syndrome.

Step 2: Quantify Your Achievements

Put metrics to your accomplishments. Calculate how many lives your work has touched, how many places you've explored, and how many projects you've successfully completed. Quantifying your achievements provides tangible evidence of your capabilities and helps ground your sense of accomplishment.

Step 3: Craft Your Ideal Introduction

Imagine how someone else would enthusiastically introduce you. This exercise allows you to step out of your own shoes and see yourself through a different lens. Highlight your strengths, skills, and contributions in this alternate view of yourself.

Step 4: Record Your Self-Introduction

Create an audio recording of your ideal self-introduction. This recording becomes a powerful tool that you can revisit whenever self-doubt starts to creep in. It serves as your personal cheerleader, reminding you of your true capabilities. (You can even have someone else record it so you hear it in another voice)

Step 5: Consistent Effort and Discipline

Recognize that this process is not a quick fix. Just like building a muscle, it requires consistent effort and discipline. The way you perceive yourself has been shaped over time by external influences and societal expectations. Changing that perception requires intention and practice.

Conclusion:

If you're struggling with imposter syndrome or moments of self-doubt, consider giving the Formulation Process approach a try. Remember, it's not about changing your circumstances; it's about changing the way you perceive yourself within those circumstances. Take these steps to empower yourself and overcome imposter syndrome.

Until next week!

Is your TO-DO list stressing you out?

10/2/2023

We all know that feeling of being buried under an overwhelming to-do list, filled with tasks and commitments that seem to have accumulated over time. It's time to take a page from my UNMESSABLEWITH COACING SYSTEM and weed through the clutter. In this newsletter, we're going to introduce a multi-step process to help you determine what truly matters on your to-do list. We call it the "Weeding Through the B.S." process. You will need a highlighter (I mention yellow but any color will do)

Let's get started!

Step 1: Do I Love It? Begin by asking yourself if you genuinely love the task or commitment. Is it something that sparks joy and passion in you? If not, HIGHLIGHT IT IN YELLOW ON YOUR LIST

Step 2: Am I Good at It? Next, assess your proficiency in the task. Are you skilled at it, or does it consistently lead to frustration and inefficiency? If not, HIGHLIGHT IT IN YELLOW ON YOUR LIST

Step 3: Is It Good for Me? Evaluate whether the task or commitment contributes positively to your personal well-being. Does it align with your values and long-term goals, or does it drain you emotionally and mentally? If it's not good for you HIGHLIGHT IT IN YELLOW ON YOUR LIST

Step 4: Is It Working? Take a close look at the task's effectiveness. Is it producing the desired outcomes, or is it spinning its wheels with minimal results? If it's not working, HIGHLIGHT IT IN YELLOW ON YOUR LIST

Step 5: Is It Worth My Time? Consider the time investment required for the task. Does it provide a meaningful return on the time you put in, or could that time be better spent elsewhere on more valuable activities? If not, HIGHLIGHT IT IN YELLOW ON YOUR LIST

Step 6: Is It Aligned with My Vision? Lastly, check if the task aligns with your long-term vision and goals. Does it contribute to the bigger picture of what you want to achieve in your personal or professional life? If not, HIGHLIGHT IT IN YELLOW ON YOUR LIST

NOW TAKE ALL THE YELLOW HIGHLIT ITEMS AND ASK YOURSELF

Step 7: Is It Giveaway-able? Can you delegate it? Can you hire someone to do it for less than what your time is worth? Some tasks may not be essential for you to handle personally. Can you give this task to someone else who may benefit from it or enjoy doing it? Delegation can free up your time and energy. Not every task can be delegated, so assess whether it's suitable for passing on to someone else. If it can be delegated, consider who on your team or in your network might be the right fit.

By following these seven steps, you can weed out the tasks and commitments that clutter your to-do list and focus on what truly matters. Remember that it's okay to say no or let go of things that no longer serve you. Your time and energy are valuable resources, and by managing them wisely, you can lead a more fulfilling and Unmessablewith life.

Stay tuned for more UNMESSABLEWITH tips and insights in my upcoming newsletters.

What is your Paris?

9/25/2023

I hope this message finds you well. Today, I want to share a personal story with you—a story about dreams, courage, and the incredible power of taking action. It's a story that has been 40 years in the making and has brought me to the enchanting streets of Paris.

For as long as I can remember, Paris has been a dream of mine. It held a special place in my heart, an unspoken desire that whispered in my ear for decades. But as life went on, it became a "someday" dream—an elusive vision that seemed just out of reach.

It wasn't until recently, during one of my own transformative programs, that I had a moment of realization. I was encouraging others to turn their "someday" dreams into real dreams, and it hit me—I had a "someday" dream of my own. I wanted to live in Paris, and it was time to walk my talk.

I sat down with my husband and had a straight conversation. We asked ourselves, "Are we going to keep talking about this dream, or are we going to make it a reality?" With resounding determination, we set a date—May 1st. That was the day we would make our move.

We embarked on the journey of obtaining a visa, finding an apartment, and downsizing our life in New York to ensure our children had a place to stay during college. It was a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation. And on that fateful day, May 1st, we stepped off the plane and into a new chapter of our lives.

Now, living in Paris feels like a dream come true—a dream that surpasses anything I could have imagined. The beauty of the city, the exquisite food, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, and even the intricately designed doorknobs—all of it fills me with awe and gratitude.

I often find myself pinching my arm, unable to believe that I have the privilege of calling this place home. The lifestyle, the cultural experiences, the vibrant energy that pulses through the streets—it's a constant reminder of the power of realizing our dreams vs chasing them.

I want to encourage you to reflect on your own dreams. What is your Paris? What is that one dream that has been lingering in the shadows, waiting to be brought to life? Take a moment to embrace it, to acknowledge its presence within you.

And remember, dreams are not meant to stay in the realm of "someday." They are meant to be acted on, nurtured, and transformed into tangible realities. Step out of the realm of "what if" and into the realm of "why not." Take that first action today, and watch as the reality conspires to support you.

As I write this letter to you from the heart of Paris, I want to remind you that dreams are worth acting on. They are the sparks that ignite our souls and lead us on incredible journeys. So, my friend, let's dare to dream and dare to take action. Together, let's create a life that exceeds our wildest imaginings.